Sick of Everything

I’ve been absent for a while, Life has been so dull! I cant find any inspiration or motivation, I’m not in the mood for anything, I dont go out anymore, I dont enjoy exercising anymore, I can’t stand being at school, food is so annoying (Ive also gained weight which is so frustrating), Im rude with everybody around me and life has become so… Overrated to me. Im sorry if I sound depressing or negative but it’s just how I feel, and I’m aware it’s not ok, I know I have to change, and believe me! I’ve tried, but it doesnt seem to get better…. 

Things at home and at school are not even bad, they’re pretty good actually! I haven’t argued with my mom in a whiile and my grades are better than ever. I’ve come to the conclusion that I AM THE PROBLEM, I dont know what’s wrong with me! 

Please if you have any advice, please, please, please, please! Comment below… I need it more than anything right now.



Trying to not fall apart

These last few weeks Ive been having those awful thoughts I used to have when I was suffering from my ed. Last week at school we were celebrating “Geography Week” so we had to bring a food from our country to share with the rest of the class, as Im the president of my class I had to organize all  and hand out the food to my classmates. The day before I ate a flan at home bc my dad made dinner to my mom and me so I told myself I wouldnt eat anything at school. The next day I ate my favorite breakfast (Peanut butter oatmeal) so I wouldnt binge anything at school, MISSION FAILED!! I couldnt resist! I ate some of the things that were on the table! After all I went running to the bathroom and tried to purge but I couldnt, the image of my mom crying was on my head so all I could do was call my best friend and told her everything, obviously I started to cry, I just wanted to go home and spend my whole day at the gym, my best friend convinced me to go to my school’s psychologist bc she knows all my story. We went to her office and talked for a while until my anxiety went down.

I dont know if I was more upset bc I couldnt control myself in front of a table full of food or bc I cant enjoy a food, that may not be healthy, without falling apart. Lately Ive been feeling awful with myself, Im binging more, my body image is not good at all, I feel like Im not exercising enough and my self-esteem is awful. I really dont know what to do, Im so scared of gaining weight and I dont want to! Im 16! At some point in my life I’ll probably gain weight (lets hope that never happen) and I dont want to go back again to where I was when I see a higher number on the scale.

I told my mom I wanted to see a nutricionist again, she told me yes but right now we cant afford one, of course I dont want to be too intense about it but I feel like if I dont talk to somebody who can help me… I’ll go back to where I was last year.

Please, if you have some advice, comment below.


Life without logging food

A week ago my account from MyFitnessPal was blocked, apparently bc Im under age and blah blah. I was thinking of getting a new account in another app but then I thought: I DONT HAVE TO COUNT CALORIES! When I used to go to my nutrionist, she told me to delete the app and it was really hard for me bc it was me controlling what I was eating and if I didnt do it I felt like if I didnt have control ove myself, after I did it my anxiety level was awful and ugh… I dont even want to remember. Ayways, right after I went out from my last appointment with my nutriotionist I went back to counting calories, until now.

The first day, I thought it was going to be like the last time but it didnt! I was pretty calm, I did snack a little more than usual but it didnt went that bad. The thing with countnig calorie is that I feel the need to know how much Im consuming, for me its still really triggering when I gain weight so I try not to do it, thats why now that Im gaining muscle I’ve convinced myself to not get on a weighing scale, Im still working on it.

One thing I learned was that, if you eat good portions of good food, you dont have to count how much calories you have in your plate. Lets imagine you have a diet of 2000 calories per day and all you eat today is a hamburguer from a fast food restaurant, you’ll be eating 600-800 calories (its just an average),  YES you’ll be eating less than what you have but it doesnt give you any nutrients!!! Its not how much you eat, its what you eat, always remember: Quality over quantity.

These last few days without logging have been pretty cool actually, I feel calm and relax, I realized I was obssessed with logging EVERYTHING and I wasnt enjoying what I was eating! Im a really big fan of Frozen Yogurt, but evertytime I ate one I felt so bad with myself and regreted every single scoop I had. It was really neccesary tortured myself in that way?

Slowly Im recovering from so many bad habits, I know I still have a long way to where I want to be but Im getting there. Same goes to you, no matter what your goals are, dont rush it, work hard for it and enjoy the journey, life is more fun when you enjoy the little details and just let yourself go.


Life as a fit/healthy teen

In my last post I talked a little about how do I handle my cheat meals and, on this post I wanted to tell you how do I stay healthy being a teen. Many of my friends tell me they want to eat better and be more active, but they always give me a hundred reasons why they cant:

  • My mom/dad will not buy me healthy food.
  • I dont know how to eat healthy, I dont cook.
  • I cant avoid eating junk food.
  • I love sweets too much.
  • Im too tired from school to exercise.
  • I dont like veggies.
  • I get bored of the gym too fast.

To name a few, and its ok, its not easy sometimes. What I always tell them is, if you really want it you can do it, so all I can say is:

  • I know your are still depending on your parent’s money, but why cant you buy a bag of apples rather than a bag of cookies?, fruits and veggies are cheaper than chips, cookies, etc.
  • You dont need to be a Top Chef to make a salad, there are plenty of easy recipes on the internet, you can also tell your mom, or the person who cooks at home, the benefits of cooking with olive oil rather than vegetable oil.
  • Im a huge fan of pizza and hamburgers so I know, believe me I KNOW its not easy to see your friends eating a big slice of pepperoni pizza and you’re there eating a salad. Its all about willpower and commitment, if you want that dream body you’ll have to work hard for it, and if I have to avoid fast food in order to have my abs, I WILL DO IT. Also, being healthy doesnt mean you are never going to eat a french frie in your life, you can treat yourself once or twice a week if you’ve been eating good the other days.
  • I love chocolate too, and as I said before, its all about willpower and commitment. When I’m craving a piece of chocolate I go and eat a piece of dark chocolate rather than milk chocolate, you dont need to be so strict, once or twice a week its ok. Dont think it’s all about broccoli and grapes.
  • I go to school too, I know sometimes the last thing you are thinking of after having 3 tests, 5 projects and a million homeworks, its going to the gym, but you can always exercise at home. There are plenty of workouts you can do at home (if you want me to post some home workouts, comment below).
  • I wasn’t a big fan of veggies either, but through time I learned how to eat them. If you dont like raw you cant always cook them, If you dont like them without dressing there are many healthy dressings you can prepare (you can mix any yogurt of your choice,I havent tried with greek yogurth, 1 lemon, salt and pepper).
  • If you dont like going to the gym or exercising at home its not effective for you, you can look for any sport or maybe crossfit, any activity that get you out of the couch.

Its always good to see an specialist, I used to go to a nutrionist once every 2 weeks, and you can look for information over the internet, we spend most of our time online so why cant you look for something that will be good for you and your health.

If you have any questions or advice please comment below. Im 16, I know Im not a nutritionist (soon I will be), but these are some advices I can give you.

You dont need to be a gym addict or eat carrots 24/7, you can start with avoiding sodas, fast foods, some sweets, fried food, etc. You will see changes, you will feel more energetic and with the time you will miss working out. Remember, you are a teen, you dont need to worry about it that much, enjoy your life and be happy because life is meant to be enjoyed not planned, take care of yourself always but be happy while doing it. <– this is something I’m always trying to remember.


How to get over a cheat meal

For almost a year, since I recovered from my eating disorder and finally gained weight, Ive been living a healthy life; I workout daily, I prepare all my meals, I eat 6 small meals per day, I include lots of veggies and protein in my diet, etc, I absolutely LOVE IT, I feel really good with my body and myself. Of course, once a week I give myself a treat, I go out with my parents and eat a not-so-healthy-meal. My first time were AWFUL!, eating something with more than 100 calories was something unconceivable to me. With the time I learned that its ok to treat yourself once after a week of eating well; it makes your anxiety go down and those cravings for sweets and junk food dissapear, also, it helps with weight lost. When you follow an specific diet with certain amount of calories, your body gets used to it so when you give him an extra calorie intake you force him to work harder.

The thing with cheat meals is that sometimes I feel very guilty. A few days ago I had my cheat meal and I spent the whole day bloated, with stomach ache ans SO FULL! I felt like if I had gained a thousand pounds after. Thankfully I’ve learned how to deal with cheat meals and the unwanted secondary effects, so I want to give you some tips I use:

1. Dont torture yourself about it. Of course you may be feeling awful and bloated but its ok, you have been eating pretty well for a long time and your body is not used to a BIG MEAL. So, dont be so rude with yourself and remember how much you enjoyed that pizza or hamburguer while you were eating it. Dont let guilt ruin your happiness.

2. Heavy weights are your best friends. You should totally go to the gym on your cheat meal’s day so you can burn those extra calories, and there’s no better workout than those with weights so drop those 5lb dumbells and grab the big ones, the ones when you cant do more than 7 reps. Your muscles need energy to perform those activities and they’ll need the resources (Carbs) so they’ll use those extra carbs you ate.

3.Get on that treadmill or go for a long walk. Im not a fan of cardiovascular training but when I feel really bloated it helps me a lot, so when I do my cheat meal I tend to do at least 45 min at a fast walking speed.

4.Drink tea. Personally, I LOVE TEA and after my cheat meal and the next day I tend to drink a lot more tea than usual because I feel it helps me to detox my body.

5.Do not skip meals. I used to think that if I ate a really big meal I shouldn’t eat anything more for the rest of the day, I couldn’t be more wrong. One of the main reasons why doctors tell you to eat 4-5 meals per day is because your metabolism startworking and you burn calories when he’s working, if you spend more than 4 hours without eating your metabolism will slow down and will not work as fast as it should when you eat the next meal.

Remember its “cheat meal” not “cheat day”, so if you ate unhealthy for a whole day or more the rules change completely hah.

As I said, these are some tips that help ME when Im not feeling well after my cheat meal and I wanted to share them with you, I hope you find them helpful and if you have any advice or comment dont be afraid to share it with me.

Im sorry if I dont make myself clear in some parts, remember Im still practicing my english 🙂


No boobs, no problem

A few days ago me and my friends decided to go to the pool and have fun a while, Im not a fan of bathing suits but I’ve been feeling more confident about me and my body so I thought it would be a good idea. Anyways, we went and talked for a while, some of my friends got into the pool and I wanted too so I did it. Everything was fine until one of the guys that were with us made a stupid comment about me having no boobs, I dont know if his intention was for me to hear it or not but I did hear it and all my friends did it too. Having no boobs has never been a problem for me, its not something I feel ashamed and its really not a big deal for me but since then Im feeling a little more insecure about it and I do wish I have a little more. I know, for some guys its a big deal when a girl is… You know … Develop in some parts, but we are all differents and i dont think its nice to do that kind of comments specially for everybody to hear it.

I’ve been offline for a long while and the reasons is that I HAVE NO MOTIVATION, not only to writte but for everything!! Not even for school. Ive been so low lately and my mom is not helping AT ALL, she’s telling me Im the reason why she’s always upset and I seriously dont know what am I doing, everything I do makes her mad. I know sometimes Im rude when I answer her but its because sometimes she’s so stressing and the way I answer her its the same way she answers me when I tell her something. I cant wait to finish school so I can leave! 

Thats another story, SCHOOL. My first thrimester its over and everything was great until my GPA went from 4.5 to 4.4, I need a 4.5 or more in my 3 thrimesters so I can be an honor student. If I want a scholarship far away from here I need to be an honor student for the last 3 years of high school because I really dont think my mom and stepdad will be able to pay for an University away from her, and my dad, JA well my dad hasnt pay for anything since I moved. 

If you have any advice, ANY, please comment below. Anything would be helpful for me.


Summit of the Americas

I know I’m 16 and most people of my age are not talking about politics and stuff like that, but since de VII Summit of the Americas was yesterday here in Panama and everybody was so excited about it, I thought I should do a post about it.

This was kind of a big deal and everybody was mega excited and I was too, I mean if you are going to give 4 days off school thanks to the welcome of some presidents, believe me IM GOING TO BE EXCITED. My family and I were aware of every move and news; we watched the news channel from Thursday to Saturday. It was a pretty big deal the fact that Cuba was going to be at the Summit for the first time, and I was really interested on what they were going to say.

Latin America is not what we could call the most developed place on earth, we’re facing a lot of problems like poverty, hungry, analphabetism, the global warming is damaging our natural resources (which are many), we have no equality and most of our countries are facing serious economic problems. So, with all this in mind the least you can expect from these people is to talk about these problems and SOLVE THEM. Guess what they didn’t do…. TALK ABOUT THEM AND SOLVE THEM, the whole reunion was just a bunch of people giving us history classes, talking about wars and confrontations that happened a thousand years ago and insulting other countries like WTH IS WRONG WITH YOU!? There are people dying here, we don’t have enough study opportunities, we have a serious problem with people migrating to other countries, there are people living in houses made of boxes and you are there talking about an invasion that happened almost 20 years ago and has nothing to do with what is happening now.

 I know I’m not the most prepared to talk about politics but it’s what I see and feel.

If you watched the Summit then comment below what you thought.

Mother situation

First of all I want to say that I LOVE my mom, she gave me everything I have and no matter what she will always be my mother and forever she’ll mean everything to me. This being said, I know the relationship between a mother and a teenager is not easy but I dont think its normal for a mother and a daughter to fight EVERY SINGLE DAY! Me and my mom we just dont get along, Ive been living with my mom for 7 years and I dont remember a day where we dont fight, is IMPOSSIBLE. When my mom gets angry she doesn’t think what she is saying and her words can be pretty damn painful, and I know Im not an angel I know I have a strong personality but if you compare me with other teenagers out there I DO NOTHING! I go out sometimes but I do nothing bad, I have pretty good grades, Im super independent, I dont ask her for anything (even tho she buys herself things really often) and I dont annoy her at all so why does she has to be so stressful! Everytime whe fight is my fault, and when Im talking to her I feel like Im annoying her and Im going to be honest with you, I dont like to talk with my mother at all. The things are getting worst and I cant wait to finish school so I can leave to study at the University (the main reason why I put so much effort at school), my friends say that I need to ignore her but I cant! Sometimes I feel like she was not prepared to be a mother with me, and she’s only doing it with my little brother.

I know this is something that every teenager goes through with their parents but I seriously think that we (me and my mom) have a bigger problem. So, If you have the same problem please comment how do you do to handle and not let it bother you, PLEASE!!


School got me like… UGH

HELLO! ok so Ive been absent for a whiiile, but after I got from Venezuela I started school inmediately and I have new subjects like fisics, logic, biology, etc and OMG Ive been extremely busy. I have a few days off school thanks to Holy Week so inmediately I though of writting a post because I missed it a looot.

Ok so my trip to Venezuela end up fine even tho I had an awful indigestion thanks to shrimps. I absolutely loved to spend time with my family, but Venezuela… is not ok and its so sad for me to see my country go down in such an awful way.

Anyways I dont want to make of this a sad post, so school… OMG school is the most stressful place in the entire planet, you feel so judge by the people around you. Me, Im not a fan of attention an I hate to feel like if people is talking about me so you can imagine, I have little anxiety attacks in the halls of my school. Thank God my friends exist! and I met amazing people this year, so now our circle of friends is bigger and incredibly fun! they are the best.

My resolutions for 2015, Ive been committed my self to them… I still havent complete one but Im a firm believer that I will. I havent left the exercise and my abs are starting to come out, my grades are better than ever, me and my mom well… thats another story, I havent finish any book yet and I’ll probably run a marathon on April.

So yeah, this a a little update post, and even tho I know probably nobody will read it, it feels good to let it out there with you people.

Comment about your school and how you handle it, and How are your resolutions going?


Valentine’s Day

If its meant to be it will be

Its Valentine’s Day again and I know for some of us is not an easy day. Its not my first Valentine’s Day as a single person so It doesnt affect me that much by now but believe me I know that sometimes watching those love stories on tv or seeing all those cute couples on tumblr can be really depressing. As a person surrounded by couples I know that sometimes it can be pretty damn hard being the only single person in your group of friends but I believe in something called “Destiny”, I strongly believe that if something is meant to happen it will happen. I know waiting for the love of your life can be hard, especially if all your friends have found “the one” but remember that good things make themself wait, it sounds a little annoying but sadly is the truth. For now just enjoy being single and spending time with yourself, be your own couple for Valentine’s Day! watch Netflix, go to the movies on your own, go ahead and eat some ice cream, dance in your room, LOVE YOURSELF! enjoy your own company and learn how to be on your own so when the time comes if someone breaks your heart you have already learned how to be on your own, how to be happy with you and when that someone special arrives to your life you will not longer be afraid of love, you will not be afraid of getting hurt, you will love with all you have and if is not for you, you will be ok because you already know that there’s no better company than you.

Id rather be vain than learn to hate myself again

I know that maybe this is not going to take the sadness of being alone in Valentine’s Day away, but this ^ is what I always remind to myself everytime I feel sad about being single. February 14 shouldnt be a depressing day for you, it shouldnt be an agony! go an eat some chocolate and make these day the best of your life, I dare you.