I hate that I love him

It’s like I want to throw you off a cliff and then rush to the bottom to catch you.

Before I start I want to point that I’ve never been in a relationship, not because I didn’t have the chance to be with someone, is just that to me being with someone is a real commitment and I get scared, Im scared of commitment if Im not sure that I want to. So, every time I start dating someone and things get serious I just leave and end everything.

I know Im not easy, no woman is easy to understand, I know I am stubborn , sometimes too serious, sometimes not serious at all, sometimes I know what I want and sometimes I don’t at all; and I could say I want someone who accepts the way I am, and I do, but the guys I’ve dated they all do. So what do I want? I want someone that fights me, someone that’s not condescending with me, someone who can make me change my mind; and I think I found it, but even tho he’s all that, he’s THE WORST (trying to be as nicest as possible)  and I have the right to say that because I’ve known him for years and I’ve been her “best friend” all those years. He’s immature, irresponsible, impossible, even more stubborn than me and not serious at all; but it’s the fact that he’s all that,that makes me want him even more, because even tho he’s not perfect I think he’s perfect for me.

Am in love with him? I don’t know, because we are not living in the same country anymore and obviously something between us can’t happen right now. But I do want something with him, I want everything with him and I want it bad. Every time we talk Im more than sure that I’ll do anything for him and that scares me, it scares me that someone has that power over me and he knows he does and that scares me even more, but the worst is that, even through the distance, he’s a big part of me and I’m not even close to be a part of him.


P.s: I wrote a new post on mytrendingstories.com and it will mean the world to me if you check it out and tell me what you think.



Maybe life isn’t about avoiding the bruises, maybe its about collecting the scars to prove we showed up for it.

I’m back! its been forever since the last time I wrote here. Im still figuring out what I want to do wih this blog but I’ve been waiting to post something for a long time.

I want to talk a little bit about this new Tv Show Im watching, its called Velvet, its the love story of Alberto and Ana, Alberto is the owner of a prestigious fashion stores in the Spain of the late 1950s and Ana works as a seamstress there. Velvet is the typical love story of the guy that falls in love with the poor girl but they can’t be together because their life are too different.

Anyways, what I really wanted to talk about in this post is what I’ve realized watching this love story. I used to say that love stories were stupid because those things never happen in real life but, Why not? why did I lose so much faith in love that it made me think that something like that could never happen to me? And its not only me, a lot of my friends think the same way too and I’ve come to the conclusion that we live in such a wicked society that we have lost any kind of innocence that was left in us. I mean look around us, look how we treat each other, we lack love in our hearts and that’s so sad.

Me, personally, I refuse to believe that the world cannot be as cute and happy as the tv shows or movies we watch. And yes, I know its just fantasy but have you seen how happy the little kids are? they are so happy about everything that they dont see the bad in the world, they believe anything can happen and that they are able to do anything they want to do. We, on the other side, we lack confidence in ourselves.

I refuse to live a life were I dont believe in love stories and happy endings, I refuse to think that there’s no good in this world anymore, I want to be as happy as I can and I’ll not let this society ruin my happiness never again,  I belive in changes and I believe one person can make a huge difference. You never know how much influence you have in the people around you, smile more and you’ll see how the people around will smile more at you and life in general.


Life as a fit/healthy teen

In my last post I talked a little about how do I handle my cheat meals and, on this post I wanted to tell you how do I stay healthy being a teen. Many of my friends tell me they want to eat better and be more active, but they always give me a hundred reasons why they cant:

  • My mom/dad will not buy me healthy food.
  • I dont know how to eat healthy, I dont cook.
  • I cant avoid eating junk food.
  • I love sweets too much.
  • Im too tired from school to exercise.
  • I dont like veggies.
  • I get bored of the gym too fast.

To name a few, and its ok, its not easy sometimes. What I always tell them is, if you really want it you can do it, so all I can say is:

  • I know your are still depending on your parent’s money, but why cant you buy a bag of apples rather than a bag of cookies?, fruits and veggies are cheaper than chips, cookies, etc.
  • You dont need to be a Top Chef to make a salad, there are plenty of easy recipes on the internet, you can also tell your mom, or the person who cooks at home, the benefits of cooking with olive oil rather than vegetable oil.
  • Im a huge fan of pizza and hamburgers so I know, believe me I KNOW its not easy to see your friends eating a big slice of pepperoni pizza and you’re there eating a salad. Its all about willpower and commitment, if you want that dream body you’ll have to work hard for it, and if I have to avoid fast food in order to have my abs, I WILL DO IT. Also, being healthy doesnt mean you are never going to eat a french frie in your life, you can treat yourself once or twice a week if you’ve been eating good the other days.
  • I love chocolate too, and as I said before, its all about willpower and commitment. When I’m craving a piece of chocolate I go and eat a piece of dark chocolate rather than milk chocolate, you dont need to be so strict, once or twice a week its ok. Dont think it’s all about broccoli and grapes.
  • I go to school too, I know sometimes the last thing you are thinking of after having 3 tests, 5 projects and a million homeworks, its going to the gym, but you can always exercise at home. There are plenty of workouts you can do at home (if you want me to post some home workouts, comment below).
  • I wasn’t a big fan of veggies either, but through time I learned how to eat them. If you dont like raw you cant always cook them, If you dont like them without dressing there are many healthy dressings you can prepare (you can mix any yogurt of your choice,I havent tried with greek yogurth, 1 lemon, salt and pepper).
  • If you dont like going to the gym or exercising at home its not effective for you, you can look for any sport or maybe crossfit, any activity that get you out of the couch.

Its always good to see an specialist, I used to go to a nutrionist once every 2 weeks, and you can look for information over the internet, we spend most of our time online so why cant you look for something that will be good for you and your health.

If you have any questions or advice please comment below. Im 16, I know Im not a nutritionist (soon I will be), but these are some advices I can give you.

You dont need to be a gym addict or eat carrots 24/7, you can start with avoiding sodas, fast foods, some sweets, fried food, etc. You will see changes, you will feel more energetic and with the time you will miss working out. Remember, you are a teen, you dont need to worry about it that much, enjoy your life and be happy because life is meant to be enjoyed not planned, take care of yourself always but be happy while doing it. <– this is something I’m always trying to remember.


How to get over a cheat meal

For almost a year, since I recovered from my eating disorder and finally gained weight, Ive been living a healthy life; I workout daily, I prepare all my meals, I eat 6 small meals per day, I include lots of veggies and protein in my diet, etc, I absolutely LOVE IT, I feel really good with my body and myself. Of course, once a week I give myself a treat, I go out with my parents and eat a not-so-healthy-meal. My first time were AWFUL!, eating something with more than 100 calories was something unconceivable to me. With the time I learned that its ok to treat yourself once after a week of eating well; it makes your anxiety go down and those cravings for sweets and junk food dissapear, also, it helps with weight lost. When you follow an specific diet with certain amount of calories, your body gets used to it so when you give him an extra calorie intake you force him to work harder.

The thing with cheat meals is that sometimes I feel very guilty. A few days ago I had my cheat meal and I spent the whole day bloated, with stomach ache ans SO FULL! I felt like if I had gained a thousand pounds after. Thankfully I’ve learned how to deal with cheat meals and the unwanted secondary effects, so I want to give you some tips I use:

1. Dont torture yourself about it. Of course you may be feeling awful and bloated but its ok, you have been eating pretty well for a long time and your body is not used to a BIG MEAL. So, dont be so rude with yourself and remember how much you enjoyed that pizza or hamburguer while you were eating it. Dont let guilt ruin your happiness.

2. Heavy weights are your best friends. You should totally go to the gym on your cheat meal’s day so you can burn those extra calories, and there’s no better workout than those with weights so drop those 5lb dumbells and grab the big ones, the ones when you cant do more than 7 reps. Your muscles need energy to perform those activities and they’ll need the resources (Carbs) so they’ll use those extra carbs you ate.

3.Get on that treadmill or go for a long walk. Im not a fan of cardiovascular training but when I feel really bloated it helps me a lot, so when I do my cheat meal I tend to do at least 45 min at a fast walking speed.

4.Drink tea. Personally, I LOVE TEA and after my cheat meal and the next day I tend to drink a lot more tea than usual because I feel it helps me to detox my body.

5.Do not skip meals. I used to think that if I ate a really big meal I shouldn’t eat anything more for the rest of the day, I couldn’t be more wrong. One of the main reasons why doctors tell you to eat 4-5 meals per day is because your metabolism startworking and you burn calories when he’s working, if you spend more than 4 hours without eating your metabolism will slow down and will not work as fast as it should when you eat the next meal.

Remember its “cheat meal” not “cheat day”, so if you ate unhealthy for a whole day or more the rules change completely hah.

As I said, these are some tips that help ME when Im not feeling well after my cheat meal and I wanted to share them with you, I hope you find them helpful and if you have any advice or comment dont be afraid to share it with me.

Im sorry if I dont make myself clear in some parts, remember Im still practicing my english 🙂


Summit of the Americas

I know I’m 16 and most people of my age are not talking about politics and stuff like that, but since de VII Summit of the Americas was yesterday here in Panama and everybody was so excited about it, I thought I should do a post about it.

This was kind of a big deal and everybody was mega excited and I was too, I mean if you are going to give 4 days off school thanks to the welcome of some presidents, believe me IM GOING TO BE EXCITED. My family and I were aware of every move and news; we watched the news channel from Thursday to Saturday. It was a pretty big deal the fact that Cuba was going to be at the Summit for the first time, and I was really interested on what they were going to say.

Latin America is not what we could call the most developed place on earth, we’re facing a lot of problems like poverty, hungry, analphabetism, the global warming is damaging our natural resources (which are many), we have no equality and most of our countries are facing serious economic problems. So, with all this in mind the least you can expect from these people is to talk about these problems and SOLVE THEM. Guess what they didn’t do…. TALK ABOUT THEM AND SOLVE THEM, the whole reunion was just a bunch of people giving us history classes, talking about wars and confrontations that happened a thousand years ago and insulting other countries like WTH IS WRONG WITH YOU!? There are people dying here, we don’t have enough study opportunities, we have a serious problem with people migrating to other countries, there are people living in houses made of boxes and you are there talking about an invasion that happened almost 20 years ago and has nothing to do with what is happening now.

 I know I’m not the most prepared to talk about politics but it’s what I see and feel.

If you watched the Summit then comment below what you thought.

Mother situation

First of all I want to say that I LOVE my mom, she gave me everything I have and no matter what she will always be my mother and forever she’ll mean everything to me. This being said, I know the relationship between a mother and a teenager is not easy but I dont think its normal for a mother and a daughter to fight EVERY SINGLE DAY! Me and my mom we just dont get along, Ive been living with my mom for 7 years and I dont remember a day where we dont fight, is IMPOSSIBLE. When my mom gets angry she doesn’t think what she is saying and her words can be pretty damn painful, and I know Im not an angel I know I have a strong personality but if you compare me with other teenagers out there I DO NOTHING! I go out sometimes but I do nothing bad, I have pretty good grades, Im super independent, I dont ask her for anything (even tho she buys herself things really often) and I dont annoy her at all so why does she has to be so stressful! Everytime whe fight is my fault, and when Im talking to her I feel like Im annoying her and Im going to be honest with you, I dont like to talk with my mother at all. The things are getting worst and I cant wait to finish school so I can leave to study at the University (the main reason why I put so much effort at school), my friends say that I need to ignore her but I cant! Sometimes I feel like she was not prepared to be a mother with me, and she’s only doing it with my little brother.

I know this is something that every teenager goes through with their parents but I seriously think that we (me and my mom) have a bigger problem. So, If you have the same problem please comment how do you do to handle and not let it bother you, PLEASE!!


Valentine’s Day

If its meant to be it will be

Its Valentine’s Day again and I know for some of us is not an easy day. Its not my first Valentine’s Day as a single person so It doesnt affect me that much by now but believe me I know that sometimes watching those love stories on tv or seeing all those cute couples on tumblr can be really depressing. As a person surrounded by couples I know that sometimes it can be pretty damn hard being the only single person in your group of friends but I believe in something called “Destiny”, I strongly believe that if something is meant to happen it will happen. I know waiting for the love of your life can be hard, especially if all your friends have found “the one” but remember that good things make themself wait, it sounds a little annoying but sadly is the truth. For now just enjoy being single and spending time with yourself, be your own couple for Valentine’s Day! watch Netflix, go to the movies on your own, go ahead and eat some ice cream, dance in your room, LOVE YOURSELF! enjoy your own company and learn how to be on your own so when the time comes if someone breaks your heart you have already learned how to be on your own, how to be happy with you and when that someone special arrives to your life you will not longer be afraid of love, you will not be afraid of getting hurt, you will love with all you have and if is not for you, you will be ok because you already know that there’s no better company than you.

Id rather be vain than learn to hate myself again

I know that maybe this is not going to take the sadness of being alone in Valentine’s Day away, but this ^ is what I always remind to myself everytime I feel sad about being single. February 14 shouldnt be a depressing day for you, it shouldnt be an agony! go an eat some chocolate and make these day the best of your life, I dare you.



Body Confidence


I’d like to start off by saying I know how it feels. I had a period in my life where I hated myself, everything about me, good and bad. I hated my hips, I hated how I had opinions about things, I convinced myself that my friends didn’t love me, that they couldn’t love me.
I was so mortified about how gobby and bossy I was as a child that I began going bright red whenever anyone even asked me a question, for fear of being seen as gobby again.
I would lie awake at night, hating myself because I had a piece of cake with everyone else, that I didn’t say enough to this person, that I had said too much to that person.
And it was hell.
But it was a phase, and phases pass. Everyone in life has this phase, whether it lasts three years or three…

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I haven’t post in a while (sorry for that) but when I started this blog I decided I wasn’t going to be under the pressure of posting an exact amount of posts per week, I’ll only post about the things I want or I feel interest about.

Ok so… MUSIC, what would I do without it? what would anybody do without it? My music taste has a very big range, it goes from QUEEN to One Direction, from Ozzy Osbourne to Lana del Rey. I really dont have a favorite gender, when a song catch me it just does no matter if its Rock, Pop, Electro, R&B, Jazz, etc. Sometimes are the lyrics another times is the beat, sometimes is just the singer/group but if that song captures my attention I will keep listening to it for the rest of my life.

I know this post may seem stupid, but I want to know what is your music taste, do you have any favorite song/singer/group? just comment below I would love to hear them.

Some family is coming tomorrow (my cousin and uncles) so its gonna be fun, my cousin is more like a sister to me, we grew up together and I really miss her. So yeah, we will go out as much as we can and if something interesting happens… I will let you know.


New year’s resolutions.

Can’t believe 2014 is almost over and as a lot of people out there I decide it to write my new year’s resolutions. Last year I did the same but 2014 has been a rollercoaster, It has been a series of ups and downs, Ive been in my lowest and highest so I wasnt able to achieve all of them. In fact I think I dont even remember what they were.

Anyways here they are, Ladies and gentlemen my 2015 Resolutions


I really hope this next year will be full of amazing things for me, for you and everybody out there, dont forget to be thankful for everything you have and, be positive! Even if this year wasn’t the best, believe me 2015 will. Dont regret anything that has happened to you because everything happens for a reason and even if it was bad or good, its going to take you right where you have to be, you just need to be patient and have faith because everything will get better.

Just because something isn’t happening for you right now doesn’t mean that it will never happen.

Be happy, stay postive and remember its ok to feel bad sometimes just dont forget to move on and keep going.
HAPPY 2015