In between Life and My Dreams

I’m like a feather in a hurricane.

Happy New Year everybody! First of all, I hope you all had an amazing Christmas and a very happy New Year, filled with joy and incredible moments.

It’s been 2 months and 12 days since I moved and it’s been a very emotional experience. From the moment I knew I was going to move to a different country by myself I thought that this was the time to “runaway” from home and find myself, get to know more about me. But it turns out that I’m more lost than I’ve ever been before; I was not running away from home, I’m trying to find my home; and it’s not that I don’t know who I am, I do!, I am very smart, beautiful, energetic girl who wants to do nothing but help, a girl who’s so afraid of failure and oblivion that she would do anything to be important and leave her mark in the world and in everybody who got to know her, so people can remember what she did and how she helped, a girl who’s refused to have an ordinary life and follow a routine for the rest of her life, a girl who wants to have everything she has always wanted to have and do anything she has always wanted to do.I do know who I am and I’m very aware of what I want, I just don’t know where to start.

I want to do so many things at once that I end up doing none, I keep my expectations so high that I get very disappointed afterwards, I give so much of me to people and end up hurting myself realizing that sometimes (must of the time) I’m just too good and a little too naive.

I have so many dreams that I want to come true but I don’t know where to start. It’s like when you are watching a movie halfway forward and you realize you have no idea how everything happened and how its going to end. That’s kind of how I feel right now.

New year, new dreams, same girl, same fears.

I’m neither living my life or living my dreams.

-Andrea

Advertisements