I hate that I love him

It’s like I want to throw you off a cliff and then rush to the bottom to catch you.

Before I start I want to point that I’ve never been in a relationship, not because I didn’t have the chance to be with someone, is just that to me being with someone is a real commitment and I get scared, Im scared of commitment if Im not sure that I want to. So, every time I start dating someone and things get serious I just leave and end everything.

I know Im not easy, no woman is easy to understand, I know I am stubborn , sometimes too serious, sometimes not serious at all, sometimes I know what I want and sometimes I don’t at all; and I could say I want someone who accepts the way I am, and I do, but the guys I’ve dated they all do. So what do I want? I want someone that fights me, someone that’s not condescending with me, someone who can make me change my mind; and I think I found it, but even tho he’s all that, he’s THE WORST (trying to be as nicest as possible)  and I have the right to say that because I’ve known him for years and I’ve been her “best friend” all those years. He’s immature, irresponsible, impossible, even more stubborn than me and not serious at all; but it’s the fact that he’s all that,that makes me want him even more, because even tho he’s not perfect I think he’s perfect for me.

Am in love with him? I don’t know, because we are not living in the same country anymore and obviously something between us can’t happen right now. But I do want something with him, I want everything with him and I want it bad. Every time we talk Im more than sure that I’ll do anything for him and that scares me, it scares me that someone has that power over me and he knows he does and that scares me even more, but the worst is that, even through the distance, he’s a big part of me and I’m not even close to be a part of him.


P.s: I wrote a new post on mytrendingstories.com and it will mean the world to me if you check it out and tell me what you think.